An open letter to that teacher you dislike

And so begins the semester of hate.

Look. I get it that you don't want cell phones being a distraction in your class, but you seem to have a genuine hate-on for technology.  What do you mean you don't check for or respond to student e-mail?  Do you realize that's just a reality of your profession in this day and age?

Speaking of your profession, you're an English teacher; if you want to patronize me on day one by saying "You do all know what a metaphor is, right?", then be sure not to turn to the white board and write down "Her eyes are like stars".  This is not the first impression you want to set.  Mixing up similes and metaphors is something you're supposed to correct, not do.  If I were to describe you with a metaphor, I would say you are like a buffoon.

Back to your technology rage, I get it when you lament the disappearance of independent magazines.  The Internet has not been kind to the medium, and that sucks.  I mean, look at me, I'm using a free online blogging website; why would I bother going through a middle man if I were a writer?  It is sad, it really is.  But you lost me from your side a few minutes later.

I'll fill everyone else in for context.  So there you are, lamenting the fall of indy-mags, saying they were the training grounds upon which fiction writers used to cut their teeth and hone their craft, then you say "Can you even name a successful contemporary fiction writer?"  To me, it seemed obvious, and apparently it was, because the entire class, as one voice, responded J.K. Rowling, because d'uh.

I won't get into it here, because Harry Potter deserves many posts all its own, but I will just say, yes, that was an appropriate answer to your question.

...Yet you hesitated.  And said "Well, it's a bit different when you're writing for something to be turned into a movie".

BOOM!  My head exploded with uncomprehending rage.

Mark my words, I will ace your class just out of spite.  Maybe I'll send you passive aggressive e-mails every day as well, that you'll eventually discover when you realize that it's part of your duties as an instructor now.