Learn Fast, Die Hard (yes, I realize that's a stretch for a pun)

I was in DAVIDsTEA this evening and working there was my friend Megan.  She told me that she had intended to read my blog, but that there were just too many words (she was joking...  I hope.).  Well, Megan, you're in luck; the hockey game is over and I have nothing to do, so I will give you a personalized entry.  This is the Hollywood-ized retelling of my day's events: That means short words, little plot emphasis and, most importantly, lots of explosions.  Enjoy.

It was the first day of the semester today.  I woke up, and oh no!  Gotta get to school, and I've only got 10 minutes to do so!  So I jump into my ...uh, what's a suitably expensive car for a Hollywood movie?

Google Image says this is what I drive.

I hop into my orange car, and I'm off!  Now, you the reader, are probably wondering why it's so vital that I'm on time.  I would like to call your attention to the email that's open on my laptop.  Are you mentally zooming in on it while dramatic music plays in the background?  Yes?  Good.

Dear Mr. D'Souza,
I would like to remind you that if you are late again, I will have no choice but to expel you.


Regards, Dean Evil-Doer.


Now you understand how high the stakes are.  If you're done reading the e-mail, cut back to me driving Fast & Furious-ly toward the school.  All of a sudden, I realize all is not right.  Dangling from my rear-view mirror is a falcon, and in it's beak is something that looks suspiciously like a camera.

"Well hello there," blares a voice that I have no trouble recognizing as Dean Evil-Doer's.  "I do hope that your first day back ignites your mind.  Mua-ha-ha-ha."  Realizing what's about to happen, I roll out of the car just in time, before: KABOOM!

Explosions evidently change the car's shape and design...

Brushing myself off, I check my watch.  6 minutes to go!  So I sprint down the stairs of the Canada Line station that happens to be just on my left.  While on the train, I notice a bunch of thugs harassing a woman, so, as movie logic dictates, I single-handedly fight off all 5 of them, return the woman's purse (which they had stolen.  Also, who mugs someone while on a Subway?  Ah well, I'm not going to question the logic here, and neither should you!)  As I hand it to her, we look into each other's eyes, and she's about to say something, but the doors open; it's my stop.  I take off, leaving her looking confused but grateful.  Quick note, she's the mandatory love interest in this script, so feel free to picture her as your favourite action movie actress.  I have selected Olivia Wilde, but you can modify that if you'd like.

I make it to my desk with just seconds to spare.  Dean Evil-Doer pops his head in wearing a smirk, which instantly dies on his face when he sees me sitting in my desk.  With a glare, he returns to his office, muttering to himself what I'm sure is a plan to take me down, which will surely be seen in the sequel to this.

(Also, if you're confused as to why the Dean hates me, don't worry.  Either the third or fourth installment of the franchise will be a prequel, which will, in time, make everything clear.)

After classes have finished, I had a basketball game to coach.  During the game, I noticed some one in the stands.  It was the woman from the Canada Line, and she was giving me a big smile.  As for the game itself, well it came down to the wire.  Thankfully it was captured on video.  I'm the one in the suit.

(Quick break for reality: This isn't too off-base; the game was close, and we did lose by two.  Also, I gave that exact speech after.)

After the game, love-interest-woman and I walked off screen together, and steamy, passionate lovemaking was implied to have occurred.  This is rated 14A so as to sell more tickets, so the sex scenes are only implied, but it totally happened.

...And so Megan, there you go.  I have Hollywood-ized my day in the hopes that you now feel able to read my blog.  Also, when you asked how my day was, and I answered "Very good", this is what I was referring to.  So if that's ever my answer again, assume there was plenty of explosions and inspirational speeches and sex and stuff.  Thank you for the tea!