Stocking Sentimentality

Well it's that time of year; the Christmas decorations are all up.  Everything except for my stocking that is.  It seems as if I misplaced it during last year's cleanup.  I know that I've seen it about my room, so this seems like the perfect opportunity to do some much needed tidying.  Really, I can't stress the "much needed" aspect of that enough; it was a mild shock to discover I have hardwood floors (Sadly, this is only slight hyperbole).  It's not that I don't like cleaning; I just need to be in the mood for it in order for any significant cleaning to be accomplished.

While cleaning, I realized I have some things from long ago that really, have no purpose being in my room, or even my possession anymore.  For example, I still have my elementary school grad hoodie in my dresser, even though it hasn't been touched since I was 13, and would have no hope of fitting even if I did want to wear it.  Or my stack of tape cassettes; piled carefully and prominently on my bookshelf, with absolutely no method of being played.  That is, unless iTunes has some sort of way to play tape cassettes... Maybe I'll try sticking one into my laptop to find out...

Rick Scott and ACDC; the music of my childhood.  Sadly, I don't have their collaboration album.

These are things from my childhood that for some reason or another, I can't even fathom moving from their current locations, let alone getting rid of.  They serve no purpose at this point -functional, or sentimental- and yet, there they are.  Why do I do this?  As to that, I really have no answer.

I don't consider myself a sentimental person.  It's not as if I pull out my hoodie, think back and reminisce about the good ol' days of Lord Tennyson.  And yet, I have a lot of things from my childhood still.  Even the stocking I've had for as long as I can remember, although I would argue that since it serves a distinct purpose, that's an entirely different matter.  None of these childhood possessions bring about strong feelings to me, good or bad.  They're just there, and I remember them being there when I was younger too.  Oh, and as for sentimentality, my exception is stuffed animals.  I have a soft spot for those.  I've had a doll since the moment I was born called Lala, and I will keep him forever, because just seeing him makes me feel a bit happier.

I think that the reason I keep them is that a part of my mind is holding onto my childhood.  Not in a sentimental way, but rather just keeping it visible.  I'm not sure if that's a normal thing to do, or even a healthy thing to do, but I do know that it is something that I do.  I miss the simplicity of childhood; not having to worry about how much money I have in the bank, relationships, the state of the world, and transferring schools in a year.  Life was much easier when my biggest concerns were regarding how much fun the playground was, or that my corn was touching something else on my plate (I was a very picky eater as a kid.  I'm sure this will crop up again sometime.).

There was a time when this arrangement would have been entirely unacceptable...

Part of this I'm sure has to do with being scared of these changes.  Change can be overwhelming, and it's nice to be able to have some aspect of familiarity around you.  Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want change, or am unhappy with where change has brought me.  On the contrary, I have felt more mentally stable and at peace with my life in the past few months than ever before.  I suppose that there's just a part of me that needs that security blanket surrogate to be present, and as long as I'm willing to still make changes in my life, then I am perfectly content to hold onto my childhood.

I never did find my stocking, that will be my project for tomorrow.  At least my room is now presentable though, and I discovered something about my nature that I had never even thought about.  Oh, and I put up Doctor Who posters, and you have no idea how pleased that has made me.